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March 30, 2005
Research and Banana Daiquiris: Truer Than Life
As a few of you may know, I had the misfortune of spending 9 good years of my life locked in several evil laboratories with misfits and social inadequates. My escape was shifty and (some might say) a mere move sideways into Educational Development (always with the capitals!), but at least the people I work with now know how to eat with their mouths closed and (generally) use deodorant (or wash regularly).
I am now sharing these excerpts from an article in the UK Times Higher Education Supplement (Laurie Taylor, March 25, 2005) because it made me spit my coffee all over my keyboard- I am probably the only person in the world who finds this funny due to my Colditz-like escape tunnel from the world of academic research into the world of academic teaching... but here we have a description for a procedure used to deliver objective indices of research inactivity in academics....
Academic Assessment
Volume 13. March 2005
Method
Academics believed to be "research inactive" are invited into the laboratory where they are promptly undressed and strapped to an experimental table. Two small electrodes are surgically inserted into the septal region of their hypothalamuses and they are then exposed to a series of research and non-research stimuli. All electrical activity elicited is recorded on the Research Resonance Meter.
Trial One: Subliminal Proper Names
Max Planck, Hilary Swank
Madonna, Madam Curie
Albert Einstein, Billy Eckstine
Isaac Newton, Olivia Newton (John)
Niels Bohr, Neil Diamond
Trial Three: Subliminal Photographs
Particle accelerator
Deckchair
Superconductive undulator
Common vibrator
X-ray generator
Banana daiquiri
Comparative examination of the elctrical activity (flickers) generated by the research-orientated stimuli and the non-research orientated stimuli yields the following RI categories:
5-10 flickers Research Flaccid (capable of resuscitation)
Fewer than 5 flickers Research inactive (no evidence of research interest)
Not even a flicker Research dead (transfer to teaching only)
Conclusion
More research needed.
Posted by scumkitten at March 30, 2005 09:09 AM
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Comments
Hilarious!!!
Posted by: glittrgirl at March 30, 2005 04:35 PM
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