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January 4, 2006

The Sperminator.

gallo.jpg

Worth £578,000 a shot?

For all you ladies out there looking for a high-class, artistic, vainglorious, absentee father for your future children, look no further than Vincent Gallo, actor, film-maker, musician and painter, who has apparently put his sperm up for sale over the internet. You may have seen him pulling big angst in Buffalo 66 or making merry with Chloe Sevigny in Brown Bunny, but I'm guessing things are a little tight for Vincent at the moment, as he is selling his bodily fluids on Vgmerchandise.com for $1m (£578,000 or thereabouts), with addition benefits if you are a bonafide babe.

Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo, who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself.

In addition, Mr. Gallo has a "distinctively full head of hair" and "If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.)". Judging by the photo (left), he also has a good line in underpants.

In addition to his genetic material, Vincent is also currently selling, amongst other things:

Vincent Gallo's only Surviving Racing Glove From His Last Motorcycle Race (circa 1989). Autographed. $750.
Vincent Gallo's Childhood Nixon Campaign Pin Autographed Box, $250
Vincent Gallo's St. Anthony Medallion From His 1st Holy Communion, $1,000.

Shipping not included.

I really hope there are people out there who will buy this stuff. Art? Or mere whimsy?

Posted by scumkitten at January 4, 2006 1:13 PM

Comments

That is beyond hilarious. That you for giving me a chuckle this morning.

Amy

Posted by: Amy at January 4, 2006 2:03 PM

Ah yes. Mr Gallo. He put some sperm up on eBay before Christmas with a reserve bid. I wouldn't pay over half a million for his sperm though - I know loads of artists and writers just as creative who would turn a pretty ankle and make me a deposit for a lot less than that ;)

Posted by: glittrgirl at January 4, 2006 2:43 PM

Wow! Don't even know what to say to that one! Thanks for the morning amusement :)

Posted by: ck at January 4, 2006 5:18 PM

Oh. My. God.

Brown Bunny was bad enough, I was pretty sure my TV got herpes from that DVD. But! Vincent's spunk for sale to a high bidder! ARGH!!

Your blog makes me laugh even on bleak days.

Posted by: laurie at January 4, 2006 6:18 PM

And on a similar note...The Hasselhoffian Recursion...... warning - never ending Hasselhofs.......

Posted by: glittrgirl at January 5, 2006 10:09 AM

Ooh! Ooh! I just noticed that Vincent is wearing a Yes t-shirt! Cool points to Vincent! That Roger Dean logo still looks good....

Posted by: glittrgirl at January 5, 2006 10:36 AM

The Hasselhoffian Recursion makes my eyes water.

Posted by: Scumkitten at January 5, 2006 11:23 AM

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