Knitted terrorist profile
Mattie Hardacre-Smythe, codename: GYPSUM
What is your weapon of choice?
I personally like to use something that is quiet, low key and that can be kept in my Kelly. Usually we are talking piano wire: it doubles up as a nice lariat, if I add pearls.
What is your favourite yarn?
Cashmere, preferably from Mongolia.
What constitutes happiness for you?
A G&T (low cal), a balcony overlooking L.A., with a bright, ruby sunset against the smog and a band of waiters with canapés.
Provide us with your favourite manifesto quote:
“The best thing is to look natural, but it takes make-up to look natural”, Calvin Klein. I live and breathe by that quote.
What is your most treasured possession?
A small handkerchief given to me by the Dalai Lama- he sneezed into it and it still bears the stains. I am much more spiritual than anyone gives me credit for. I have it signed and framed in the master bedroom. I kiss it before I go to sleep.
Which terrorist/freedom fighter/capitalist pigdog (we like to be open-minded) do you most admire and why?
Calvin Klein. His use of minimalist colors defines me. And black is perfect for fading Ninja-style into the background when on a mission.
What is your favourite film torture scene? Anything from Dirty Dancing cannot be used, in order to protect the innocent.
The use of dental equipment on Dustin Hoffmann in Marathon Man. Nothing beats the sound of a drill to get answers, I find, although it can get a bit messy. Always wear an apron, if possible- I use a lovely cream linen barrista number I bought in Rome, with double waist ties and a handy front pocket for tools.
What is your greatest fear?
Blue eyeshadow.
What is your most unappealing habit?
I am too beautiful.
Which song would you like played at your funeral?
Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien. Edith Piaf. No explanation needed, I think. It’s how I like to live life.
